Age-defying Humorist Pillows

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Pushing sixty isn't the problem - it's pulling fifty-nine."

'How can you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?'

'To absent teeth.'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"The vaccine is for people over 60, not a 25-year-old who just look 60."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Yes, doctor. I realise I'm in great shape for a fifty year old. The problem is I'm only thirty two."

Tooth Fairy stealing dentures

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."

"Sorry, we're looking for someone younger. Someone who needs to pull a phone out of a pocket to tell the time."

"Of course 60 is the new 59."

"I'm starting to look old."

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."

"Who knew they had interns in the Hoover administration."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Still hip, but not much hop.

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Old Darth Vader

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)