Aging Jokester Pillows

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

Still Alive

"Why bother?"

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"So tell me about your last poop."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

Old People Whisperer

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Too-Humble Pie.

"Have you seen my sticks?"

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

"He's angry about getting old."

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"