Aging Jokester Pillows

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

Still Alive

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"So tell me about your last poop."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Old People Whisperer

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

Too-Humble Pie.

"I thought we said no presents!"

"He's angry about getting old."

Freezing Penguins

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

"Ready for your birthday present dear?" "Leave the diaper on! Leave the diaper on!"