Illustrated Moral Tales Gifts

Industry and Idleness - The idle apprentice betrayed by a prostitute.

The Fourth Little Pig

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Hang on, isn't this the second pair of zebras we've had today?"

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

',,,And we'd really like a heart for the Tin Man,,,'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

My, grandma, what a big premium you have for a plan that doesn't cover getting eaten by a wolf.

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

Noah's Ark Book Shop has two doggie doors.

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

Moses and the Three Wise Monkeys

'We have to build an ark - It's part of His restructuring plan.'

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

Have you ever sued anyone for slander or libel, Randy? Indeed I have, little buddy. It was 1979. Francis Melba stood up in the middle of the cafeteria and accused me - in front of all the other kids - of being "nothing special." So I stood atop my table, ripped my shirt in two, slowly smoothed out my mustache, and then proceeded to flex my pecs, one at a time. HOJ. The sunlight streaming in through the windows scattered off my bouncing pecs like a disco ball. That's when Melba knew he was toast.

'After the big race the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

The tortoise and the hare - Aesop's fables.

'That sure was a disaster of a first date!'

'Hell's Kitchen/God's Pantry'

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Alice and the Red Queen.

Aesop's Fables - Dog and His Own Reflection

"I want to be irresistible to women."

"Jekyll, old man - I think you've made my wife's drink a bit too strong."

The true story of how David brought down Goliath.

Halo Theft

"I been to CVS, Whole Foods, Duane Reade, Stop & Shop, Safeway, Walgreens, Publix, Star Market, WinCo, Wegman's, Trader Joe's, Post Office..."

Jack and Jill

'If you didn't know how long a cubit was, you should have asked...'

'We have an air guitar to go with it, Sire.'

'Tell the children I was swallowed by a whale...'

'I never thought I'd say this, but you're moving just a little too fast for me.'