Comic Moralist Gifts

Halo Theft

Ethics exam cheater.

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Bless me father for I have allegedly sinned."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'Dear editor, today I saw the first cuckold of spring...' (Divorce Lawyer).

Religious toilets.

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"Turns out the love of money wasn't the root of all evil."

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

The Seven Deadly Sins: Envy, envy, envy, envy, envy, envy and envy.

Always let you conscience be your guide. I let my conscience be my guide, but it's non-binding.

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Valuation of Heaven

"I've never quite figured out how it works. For years, you're on the right side of history, and then one day, you're not!"

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

Adam and Eve and the coronavirus

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

Cheeky Devil and Thief LTD

'Hear no evil. See no evil. Do no evil'

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

Clowns In Confession: 'Whoa! Hold it everybody! One at a time! Let's start with you, Chuckles...'

"Patrick Donovan! It was ten Hail Mary's I was sayin'...not bloody mary's!"

"Abigail! Noooooooo!"

'There's nothing wrong with you, but I'd still like to operate on you. There's a sweet motorcycle I'd like to buy, and I need the money.'

'You either need an antihistamine or a heart transplant -- I'll have to check your credit rating to be sure.'

'Press one to speak to God, two to speak to another operator, and three to pass straight into heaven.'

Paradise