Spiritual Comic Aficionado Gifts

"Tell you what, Mark, when we write the gospels, better edit out that bit."

"The good news is there is a God. The bad news is, he's stalking me."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Norman Wisdom at the Pearly Gates

Credulity, Superstition and Fanaticism.

"Blessed are they who blow out birthday cakes candles, for they shall be de-lighted."

"God may have forgiven you, but Hoskins, Danner & Smythe, LLC, have not."

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

"In heaven there are no trees."

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

"Is it just me or does the dog seem calmer since you got it that new collar?"

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

Money or no money, root of all evil?

"Oh my god Mr. Bland, something's happened hasn't it ?"

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

Meditating cat. 'Hi! You have reached the 4th state of consciousness. We're not in right now...

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

"Now that I'm enlightened, I have to admit: I kind of miss the suffering."

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

'Hey, come on -- You've got to believe in yourself!'

Priest

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'

Nun Birthday Parties. . .

'Tell me about yourself. How long have you been dead?'

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

"And finally, we have about two billion Thank God it's Friday proclamations."