Identity Swapper Pillows

'How would you have played that last ball?'

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'I'm sorry. I probably should have talked to to you before I took down our wedding photo and put up a picture of my jet.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

Wha about trying another antivirus?

A dragon relaxing in a chair staring at a taxidermy knight's head above his fireplace.

Randy – you're a male stripper! Senor Stud, ma'am. Don't be a dope. I know it's you. You have me confused with someone else. So this is how you make your money. Does Rudy know? Rudy? I do find the dumb act very sexy. Senor Stud is a Ph.D. In love.

'I'm coping.'

'Look what the ice cream man gave me for your iPhone!'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

'Damn, I've forgotten my real name.'

Psychiatry. Every time I try to reinvent myself, I get hit with a patent infringement suit.

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'

"Actually those missing four yeas I was working here under a different name."

'Sir, we need your passport, driver's license, and Facebook name!'

"It was a simple case of mistaken identity. Nobody's fault – I always carry more than one set of ID."

"This is so much better than book club."

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

"My real name's Killer. Fluffy is just my pen name."

'Please put down that photo of Cindy Crawford, ma'am.'

'Yes, I sold my soul...but what could I do? They held all the papers!'

Identity theft lineup.

'Higgins??! My gosh, someone has stolen your identity!!

'If you steal my identity, you'll be stuck with a lot of credit card debt.'

TELLER, 'I want to transfer my account to this bank -- you wouldn't believe how uptight my LAST bank was!'

Man tries on cape

"I think the tags got switched on our presents."

'Would that make you feel better?'

'Trade you my Clark contract for your Dickenson file.'

The doctor and the mechanic barter

'Harold's found his inner-child. On the internet he's a sixteen year old cheerleader named 'Minky'.'

'So, you'd like to change your name from John to David?... Okay, that shouldn't be a problem Mr. Plonker.'

'Remember, son, in this great land of ours you can grow up to be any gender you want to be.'

"Hey, make sure you don't forget - you're no longer Eddy Wurster from Dover... you're Ben Fishkopp from Bath!"