Identity Enforcer Gifts

Umm huh....umm huh...just one more security question: what's your mother's maiden name?

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

Christopher Isherwood

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

No Smoking.

'Click it or ticket.'

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

'What a control freak!'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I'll have to keep my name after we're married.'

"Darren Eggleston. I saw that!"

Referee cop.

I will not waste chalk kid...

'I'd watch this ref, he loves dishing out Punishment.'

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

'What you're asking me to do goes against my principles. I'll have to charge extra for that.'

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

'I think we're going to need a compliance officer for these.'

'We only have a few rules around here, but we really enforce them.'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

'This is a phone poll! Are you in favor of a ban to drive and use a cell phone at the same time?'

"That's why we wear hard hats"

Mom Umpires

Yomp Trucking Inc...My way or the highway!

"I try to get a head start on them."

"Whack him. And if you can't whack him, redact him."

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

'Let's get a few things straight. No speed reading, no silly voices, no skipping pages...'

'I love doing surprise inspections.'