Ice-cool Humorist Gifts

Man asks: 'What happens when you thaw me out?' Woman: 'You pay ex-ice taxes.'

Snowprov

You know, the snowballs we get in the summer are better. They're flavored!

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"How come we never have 'Baked Alaska'?"

Shaved Ice

"I love this time of year."

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

"It looks like it's an eye bank."

Weather today.

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

Titanic iceberg auction

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"This heat transfer dance had better work. I'm freezing my tail off!"

'Geez, Dad! You never scream your lungs out at the refs! Don't you love me?!'

Emergency Room: 'Quick! Get some ice on this injury.'

'What's Iggy doing home from school at this time of day?'

Need to turn up heat(fish crowd heater in aquirium).

His Other Shtick

Eskimo Breaking Wind

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

"Now that my new bikini arrived, I am ready for global warming."

'What do you mean, you want rollerblades?'

"It's an ice scraper. I sweat a lot."

Self-Propelled Skating Gadget

'I'm not the first visionary who's been accused of extreme optimism.'

Can't a guy have a hobby?

"No, no, Frank... You only have to do that when you're ice-fishing!"

"Now, maybe you'll see why I want the thermostat kept below 32 degrees."

"Winning isn't everything - it's the only thing!"

'I call that check my 'Pancake Special'.'

Snow-shoe Tennis

'...I think he's died of indecent exposure.'

"Every time I turn the hot water on the sink disintegrates."