Hypochondriac At Heart Gifts

"Call a doctor, Mike..."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'I hope what I have isn't catching.'

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Life is ruining your health.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

Stay away from Pigs.

'My needles are falling! My bark is peeling! I must have Dutch Elm Disease!'

"I looked up my symptoms on the Internet and it said I might get old!"

'Good to see you, Doc! I wonder if you could take a look at my left upper arm that hurts when I do this?'

Hospital. Patient to stomach specialist: 'What's your gut-feeling, Doctor?'

'I don't feel that bad.'

"I looked up your rash online. Have you recently been to one of the moons of Saturn? Or, it could just be poison ivy."

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

Bob had many issues, but he didn't need a doctor. He needed a vet.

Type A Flu.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

How to Keep the Doctors Guessing

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

'Well, you are one lucky hypochondriac. There's a generic placebo for your condition.'

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

'It's a new syndrome we're seeing more of... 'Google-itis'.'

Aren't you a hypochondriac? What was that, loser? I feel warm. You're not going to trick me into thinking I have Ebola. 21 days ago, I may have ordered a pizza. The delivery boy had what might've been a Texas accent. A hospital in Texas was treating an Ebola patient. NOT FALLING FOR IT!! Everyone knows Ebola can only be transmitted through bodily fluids! The delivery boy was sweating. Sweat evaporates, right? Then it's in the air. Cough. Well-played, nemesis.

"I think I've got analysis paralysis."

"Just as I thought Brian... Cybercondria."

"Hypochondriac's Handbook. Where was I?"

'Nothing too serious, I think, but better safe than sorry.' 'PLAGUE!! PLAGUE!!'

"Just answer one question, Doctor - is it contagious?"

Survivors of Near-Flu Experiences

'Good thing you came in. Most men just ignore the warning signs.'

Lay Off the Blackberry!

'Please let me go home. . . I feel completely healthy.'