Husband Who Is A New Father Gifts

"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Interior design trends for parents....

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

The No No No's

"Same old same old. How about you?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

'I'm not too sure about that.'

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"