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"Yecch! How can something so sweet put out something so yucky?"

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

baby sweetcorn...

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Interior design trends for parents....

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"Same old same old. How about you?"

The No No No's

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

"They say change is inevitable...thank goodness!"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'I'm not too sure about that.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'