Humorous Hounds Gifts

"I find it increasingly difficult to remain man's best friend."

Skeleton playing fetch.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Are we nearly there yet?'

No Soliciting

Dog wearing a cone

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'Don't worry, my baser instincts are in a surgical waste bin in Hoboken.'

News and Magazines. Tax Bill Debate. The trickle-down can never compete with siphon-up.

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

"Consider yourself chased."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Cat Gets Hole in One.

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"And yet, I too am a still life."

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

Beware of dog...poop.

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

"So the old man says 'you're getting fixed,' and I'm thinkin', you know, maybe he's gonna patch up the hole in my doghouse..."

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'