Humorist With A Historic Twist Gifts

I came, I saw, I partied!

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Apples for sale

Clown on bike.

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"You're on a what?!"

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

"I'd say this pair of sixes beats your hand."

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

"When are they going to change the 'feature'?"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It was a lot more satisfying before 'catch and release.'"

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

The discovery of asparagus.

Sundial Time

"Right here's fine."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"