Humorist On The Green Gifts

"I always carry a spare of trousers. Just in case I get a hole in one."

"You have a good lie."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'It's an extinction notice.'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'...and this is the water garden...'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

This is where Brent council sends you

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

"This is a terrible table!"

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

God builds the first lawn mower.