Humorist On The Green Pillows

"I always carry a spare of trousers. Just in case I get a hole in one."

"You have a good lie."

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'It's an extinction notice.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I don't give advice. I'm only up here because it's safer.'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

The new green legislature requires methane mitigation.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

'...and this is the water garden...'

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

This is where Brent council sends you

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"This is a terrible table!"

'It's self cleaning, and runs on natural gas.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

Shipwrecked with an environmentalist.

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."