Practical Jokester On The Green Pillows

'Actually, I'd better have 2 pairs of trousers in case I get a hole.'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Watering the garden gnome

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

"I modified the symbol for accuracy."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"You have a good lie."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'No, I haven't taken up jogging...A velociprator was after me!'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Vegetarian restaurant: 'Two vegetarians please.'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Interrupted Shower.

'I ran the mile in two minutes. I took a short cut.'

"No matter who I vote for, Tia Carmen always votes for the other guy. That means my candidate gets two votes!"

"He was right about saving that box. It did come in handy."

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer