Humorist On Greed Gifts

'You can't have everything can you?' - 'Of course not. Where would you put it all?'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Made in China

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

'The recession is over, again.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

Money god

The Euro - R.I.P.

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'Wait a minute....!

"The fish - will it be the market price at the time of ordering, the time of eating or the time of paying?"

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

"No, it hasn't, but when the sky does fall your investments are going to do very, very, well.''

'I'd recommend against investing in hog futures - what sort of future could a hog have?'

Investments.

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

"Good to see they're trying to keep the high street vibe."

'You wouldn't threaten your bank manager...er...maybe...'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

Euro Bait

Positive Trend, Dreadful Outcome

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."