Humorist Of Doom Pillows

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

'People today smoke right down to the filter...a sign to me that the endtimesare near.' ( repent)

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

Zombie standup

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

I will study my speling words...

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Dog Walking Services

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

Outer Space Outsourcing

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."