Humorist Meals Pillows

"Waiter! Waiter! There's no flies in my soup!"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Are we pessimists and our stomachs are half empty or optimists and our stomachs are half full?"

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

Punkcakes

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'I'll tell you what's for dinner if you'll promise not to laugh.'

'What's the special?'

"The chef informs me that, while the salmon is farm raised, the garnish is indeed feral."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

Today's Special: Cream of Leftovers