Humorist In The Wild Gifts

'...How are we supposed to look up how to use this stuff?'

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

Skiing.

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I'd kill for a fresh fruit fritter."

"Too much concealer?"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Bob's Driving School.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

'Pray for me.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

Giraffe Portrait

"Well if it comes to that you're not exactly Mr Wonderful."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'I wanted a change in decor.'

Crow and fox

'You know, after a long hard winter, I just HATE eating out of cans.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "