Humor Junkies Gifts

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Traffic Jam'

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Beach con-man.

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"States of tofu"

Fly Football

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."