Humor Junkies Gifts

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Traffic Jam'

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

"States of tofu"

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

"Hmm...well...It'll look better when it's finished...!"

Beach con-man.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'