Humor In Worship Gifts

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

United Church of OMG

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Church restrooms

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

Finger puppets in church.

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

Eucharist

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

Excommunicate Me.

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Can we discuss this?"

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

Ding and Dong.

'Welcome to our first ever... Casual Sunday.'

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

"...and Lord, we thank You for blessing Farmer Finkel with an abundant bean harvest...and thus our new pews."

"Please rise."