Humor In Healing Gifts

"Healthy Self-Talk for Dumb Stupid Idiots."

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

Self help acupuncture

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'If it doesn't itch, why worry?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Doctor's poker.

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"If I don't think it's going to work, will it still work?"

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

'I have ego issues — at least, I think it's me.'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

'Visualize yourself not falling off the wall.'

"This can't be right. I was supposed to lose 20 lbs before my next annual exam - maybe I should postpone my appointment for ... another year."

"Let the healing begin!"

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

"Race you to the spleen!"

Ventriloquist Speech Therapy.

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Dinosaurs Anonymous

"There was nothing you could do. It's not your fault if the patient doesn't show for the operation!"

"Ok, first off... ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?"