Humorous Healer Gifts

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Virtual Doctor

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."