Humor Healer Gifts

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

Acupuncture Treatment Room. My acupuncturist used placebos on me today.

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

SELF-ESTEEM CLINIC, 'The little-bitty door is a nice touch.'

"Ok, here's another one about antibiotics. . ."

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Virtual Doctor

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'