Healing Humorist Gifts

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"I believe doctors write too many prescriptions, Mr. Martin. I'm writing you a sonnet."

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

Vampire sits beneath a sign that says acupuncture

'Actually, it's good, old fashioned, chicken soup.'

'The pains in my head always seem to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet.'

'Tell the doctor to take his time -- I'm feeling better already.'

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

Get well soon.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"The first one's just a warning."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

PSA Banter.

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."