Mental Health Humorist Gifts

No Frills Psychiatrist.

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

Mental detector.

'He's into reality therapy -- he starts by giving you his hourly rates.'

'Try not to dip your shoulder and keep your head in there. Remember, all the great ones go through slumps.'

'Before I can put you in touch with reality, you'll have to sign this release form.'

'On the other hand, there's always the possibility that you really are Napoleon, and I'm just some nut who thinks he's a psychiatrist.'

'Frankly there's nothing wrong with you that a hefty bill from me couldn't cure.'

'Your case is extremely interesting...and I would like to get it produced...it will be a comedy.'

'It's my split personality, Doc - my other half is accident prone!'

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

Shrink's Summer Job

"Do you ever entertain lewd thoughts?"

'Miss Caldwell, call security and send in the kleptomaniac.'

"The voices in my head are obviously tech-savvy. Now they just keep sending me text messages and emails."

'Tell me about your feelings of being dominated all the time.'

Erwin Swanson, Schizophrenic Doctor: 'Wow, three opinions for the price of one- what a bargain!'

'I hear voices.'

T-Shirt reads: 'Out of mind, I won't be back.'

'Dad's heading south again, Mum says he's bi-polar.'

"Doctor, I find you very easy to talk to."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"This is my last session, doc. I'm thinking it's a pretty good time to be delusional."

Man Gives Computer Therapy/

"I don't feel like I'm making any progress, it's like I'm just chasing my tail again."

"The only way you can get a second opinion is to go through fifteen years with another analyst."

"You call that borderline?'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"So, Michael, any pesticidal thoughts today?"

"Every now and then, I get an overpowering urge to wear a cowbell."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Therapist: Six couches no waiting"

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Psychobabble.

"There you go, oversimplifying things again."