Humor In Food Gifts

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Oh yeah, really healthy! You do realize that cereal is just another soy based product?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Why did Ernie take that off his wrist and put it here when he had to leave the kitchen? For safety reasons. A watched pot never boils. Ernie says you are what you eat. It's true in his case. Ernie is just like his food. He is sweet, and has some but not too much spice. Plus there's nothing artificial about him. Also like his food, Ernie is an acquired taste. And to me they have both become irresistibly delicious!

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

Lockdown casserole

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Cat eats date.

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

Better Not Squash.