Humor Haven Pillows

When practical jokers pass away: 'Welcome...to hell!'

'Are we nearly there yet?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Yard Sale

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Henry, cut that out.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

Beer Lunch

Carpet Cows

Under New Mismanagement

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'