Humor Host Pillows

'I take it you're new to painting miniatures?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

Carpet Cows

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

Man Reading story 'U.F.O. Sighted' with alien peeking over his shoulder.

Tabloid clippings.

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!