House Humorist Pillows

A shedding cat applies for a room.

"Well, you asked for a penis extension."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Wok. Don't Wok.

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'I was in the catering corps.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

Yard Sale

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Amy Sedaris

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Avocado Timeline

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'He's all eyes!'

The secret lives of household things.

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

Decaying corpse