Humor Haven Gifts

When practical jokers pass away: 'Welcome...to hell!'

'Are we nearly there yet?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Why is it he never understands sit , stay or down, but understands spayed and neutered?'

Yard Sale

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Guess who's teething?'

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"No Joke! I taught my dog to fetch coffee."

'Trains traditionally run late, it rains on bank holidays and Yorkshire pudding is a main course.'

'Henry, cut that out.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Under New Mismanagement

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Beer Lunch

Carpet Cows