Humor Gift Pillows

'Do you know what?... I wish I'd learnt how to swim!'

"I have this 'I love Susie' tattoo on my chest and I married Doreen yesterday!"

Helicopter as a clothes drier

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

'Ya gotta love the way this farmer gets into Halloween spirit.'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

Solitaire card shark.

Bagel problems.

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'I don't know about you but I spend a fortune on shoes.'

Chilli Quartet

"That does it, I'm getting a snow blower!"

'Of course, in the long term we'll all be extinct.'

'This milk smells funny.'

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

"Judging by the survival gear, fishing pole and grill, I'm guessing he's an outdoor cat."

Scientist using his microscope to thread a needle to repair his torn shirt.

Nail Bar

'You've been smarting off a lot lately -- Have you been fooling around with that 'Tree of Knowledge'?'

The Next Product For Boomers: Designer Adult Diapers.

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

Extra wheelie bin for cats.

What are you doing? - 'I've set up an e-commerce site.' - 'What are you selling?' - 'Signed copies of my old boxer shorts.' - 'Washed £7. Unwashed £23.' - 'Yeah, baby. Market forces.' -

'I just feel so much better buying the free range Pinatas.'

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

Supreme leader products for the people

santa claus megaphone.

"Ralph is proud of his urinal collection."

Fakir being hurt by acupuncture.

Father Christmases Hand Over the New World Crisis