Funny Gift Pillows

'We use dialup since it gives us more time to meditate.'

Beach con-man.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Ball as water-melon.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

Cat on Computer Keyboard.

Solitaire card shark.

"Are you the pickle guy or the baby guy?"

"... Er, Houston... It would appear that there is life on Mars, after all!"

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

Lost and Found - 'Nothing yet.' (Zebra has lots its stripes).

"I'm going to have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station!"

A giant cat sleeps fitfully with four humans on the bed

Hissy-fits for sale.

'He's not leaving, but if we collect enough, he might.'

'You're not from around here, are you?'

Evil Pusskins #9

'I'm sorry, buddy, but I ran out of bandicoots around Belgium.'

'This milk smells funny.'

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

Beer Belly/Vodka Elbow

'That's typical as soon as you snap on the light, they disappear.'

'Dang...too fast food!'

'She tried diet after diet - the, at last, we hit on something that works . . .'

"It's four pounds a night, and one hour treadmill time..."

You're right! She's mad because we got her a small rodent for her birthday last year, too.

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

"You do realize she's not your real mother."

'First time fly fishing?'

A.I. Newreader Malfunctions. . . or does it?

I think the best part was when we decided not to record it.

An old man with a ball and chain attached to his zimmer frame