Fun Gift Pillows

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'Hang on a minute...'

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

"Ticket and passport, please."

Loopholes

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Mouse returns home from work.

Snake Charming

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Solitaire card shark.

Chicken Road Crossing

S. S. All You Can Eat

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Cannibal recipes.

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

'This one has been banned in Benidorm.'

Ravens at Tower of London

Holiday-maker taking hotel's entire drinking water supply, "All inclusive, then!"

"We are not buying a refrigerator with a learning curve."

'This milk smells funny.'

Complaints (just kidding).