Fun Gift Pillows

'You've been looking a little scrawny lately.... Hey!— You're not missing another rib, are you?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Ticket and passport, please."

'Hang on a minute...'

Loopholes

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Mouse returns home from work.

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

Snake Charming

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

S. S. All You Can Eat

Chicken Road Crossing

Cannibal recipes.

"Ma'am, do you realize how fast you were... going?"

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

Solitaire card shark.

'This one has been banned in Benidorm.'

Ravens at Tower of London

You are now entering the middle of nowhere

'My graduation gown got lost at the cleaners. Think anyone will notice this Snuggie?'

"Here's da problem, you folks thought you were booking a 'swim with the dolphins' tour... but in fact you pressed the 'sleep with the fishes' option."

"We are not buying a refrigerator with a learning curve."