Humor Enthusiasts With A Fiery Side Pillows

"Look – you want a new career as a fireman, that's fine. But I wouldn't wear that thing around here in the mean time."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"They're comfortable."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Stairlift around cliff face.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"She wishes to range free!"

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Unemotional Support Animal

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty Six

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

'I love it when you spoon me.' 'I love it when you fork me.'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'