Humor Enthusiasts With A Fiery Side Pillows

"Look – you want a new career as a fireman, that's fine. But I wouldn't wear that thing around here in the mean time."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"They're comfortable."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Stairlift around cliff face.

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

The First Fire Stick

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Unemotional Support Animal

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."