Humor Connoisseurs Gifts

A politician points in the direction forward while being carried by members of the public.

"Before each of you, you will find a bitter pill and a glass of water."

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"Stop calling everything Kafka-esque

42 Day Detention Vote - 'OK! That's unanimous then - it'll become official school policy.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

I admit it's an intangible, but our couples are really in love.

Vicious Circle

"Downing Street needs the brightest and BEST to sort out the covid rules..."

Trump returns home

"I've never liked 'im - he's an attention seeker!"

"Dammit! The fries are soggy again!"

'Do you drink?'

'Mahler's 9th?'

Smokers' Airline

Designer Beer

'I'd invite you in, but really, this is a stranger's house I'm entering just to get away from you.'

River bank: 'I didn't get the raise, but I did get a larger paycheck.'

Giant snake eats alien spacecraft.

'If the people voted for change, maybe you could lose some weight.'

"That reminds me of my wife's lovely rock cakes."

Backseat Predators

"And you guys said I was 'gross'."

Trump's Active Brain

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

"His coffee's always crap for about a week after the MacArthur genius-grant winners are announced."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

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