Comedy Connoisseurs Gifts

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

"Does this make us bad parents?"

'I'm sorry Adam, but you're ugly... I mean we all are, but especially you.'

"Jessica could you call Tech Support and ask when the lazer was last calibrated please?"

'They call it the people dance.'

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

Dummies Books.

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

Insured against insurance salemen

Double headed snowman outside a nuclear power station.

The Lawyer of Oz

Materialism

"Pistols at dawn?"

"I wish someone would hurry up and invent the grid, because I'm getting pretty tired of living off it."

'I'm afraid you have hailstones.'

'He lost an umbrella. And the umbrella stand. And his home where the umbrella stand stood.'

Jesus the comedian.

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

"He was a plagiarist. So what if I plagiarized him."

'You never knew your father - he got stuck in a tree somewhere.'

A man peeping through keyholes ends up with a keyhole imprint on his face.

Worker at the Ace Dunce Cap Corporation.

Brain Cells.

"Aha. . . the Sphinxter!"

"I'm here about my grandson who swallowed the coins!"

Magic Book.

Helicopter Parents Support Group: 'If everyone could just take a seat!'

'Sorry, I already sold it on Ebay.'

'This looks like trouble.'

Secret Service Dogs

'It's for car crash TV.'

"Him not busy being Bjorn is busy being Benny."

Attack of the Really Lame Stick Figures

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"