Housing Benefit Assessor Gifts

'Why, Grandma. What a spare bedroom you have!'

Ed totally blows the final portion of his Chameleon Aptitude test.

"And what do you think of the government's record on housing?"

Homeless count.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"Smart Arse"

House hunting is cruel.

"There's a one-year don't-get-sick probation period for our health insurance."

Real Estate Life

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

'We're going to wander in the desert for forty years? What about portability of benefits?'

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"There, that's better!"

'Home builders' watch the 'Housing starts' chart with excitement

"I've found a filing cabinet here...a prime development opportunity! I reckon you could get three studio flats out of it!"

"Our dental plan is fluoridation of the water cooler."

For Sale Not for sale.

"Murray, I need you to push a little harder on my home sale. I'm starting to get a little under water on my mortgage."

The Bright Side

"Are your taxes based on usable living space or actual square footage?"

Cut and Paste.

"Star Wars. . . Batman. . . Pirates. . . What we should be building is affordable housing."

Companies are slashing employee health care and pension benefits. Cutting, slashing, trimming, eliminating. Look at them go. I feel like I'm watching a great athlete on tv. I'm so inspired! You're one odd duck. Rudy – come hither my overpaid dumpling!

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

Housing association charities resist government right-to-buy proposals.

For sale

'Some things you just accept when you move to San Andreas.'

"What you have to ask yourself is, do you want to get on the property ladder or not?"

'Your assets speak for themselves. They say 'no'.'

Cross-stitched land survey.

"I'm afraid it looks like a nasty case of rising dry."

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'