Housework Jokesters Gifts

'This contains Fred's ashes - I was determined to make sure he'd remain useful around the house!'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"I was ironing the curtains and fell out of the window..!"

Onion operation.

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

How to Build a Bungalow

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

"I hardly think you can call waiting for updates to install doing nothing!!"

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Chef Contest. Ernie, it's not sporting to chant "batter, batter, batter" during a pancake cook-off.

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Oh, how nice. You're just in time to cut the vegetables,"

'That must be the termite inspector.'

'Have a nice day, dear. . . no need to get up and make coffee.'

"So I said 'Would it kill you to do a little yardwork?'"

"The trick to this particular dish is not letting your mother mess it up."

'No-one else would brag about being on Rogue Traders.'

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'That's not what I meant when I asked you to add a second bathroom, Roger.'

'I forgot to close the door?...Seriously? Who puts a door on a hole?'