Home Office Jokesters Gifts

Working from home

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"I'm working from home today."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"You're good at asking all the right questions. Now let's hear some right answers."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

'ANOTHER Shakespeare play?!! Look, all we wanted was the user manual for a sandwich maker.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."