Household Satire Lover Gifts

Dinner's gonna be late - any questions..?

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

"And you think the world revolves around you..."

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"He's lazy and not very handy around the house. But I'm a cartoonist, and he provides me with a ton of material."

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.