Household Satire Lover Gifts

Dinner's gonna be late - any questions..?

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Mulch madness"

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'How many times do I have to tell you about putting the toilet seat back up?'

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

'Harold, I told you not to eat the last piece of pie!'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

'George, I can't sleep with a window shade flapping! Get up and fix it!'

Hi love...one less for tea tonight

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"Now batting, No. 2, Derek Jeter—No. 2. Happy now, nut job?"

The Ultimate Reality TV Show: Apathy Island

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

'Just so you know, leaning on a rake and looking at the sky is not 'yard work', and thus may not be entered into your 'I do so help around the house' defense.'

"Quit with that racket - you're scaring the fish."

"For God's sake! Let the man have his simple pleasures."

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

'It's almost as if you haven't heard a single word I've thought.'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

"He's lazy and not very handy around the house. But I'm a cartoonist, and he provides me with a ton of material."