Household Harmony Strategists Pillows

"Oh, we don't worry about the kids moving back in with us. We didn't leave a forwarding address."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

"Hello?"

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

man juggling career, home and children

“I don’t mind doing the dishes every night—it gives me time to deepen my resentment.”

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

"Okay, you two! Clean up the house and do the laundry while I take the kids to school!"

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

Jason and the Aga notes.

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Frankly, I can't really understand why my husband would be referred to as a "Domestic Cat": he does nothing around the house..."

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

Looks like I do dishes again.

"Where's a fairy godmother when you need one?"

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

"I managed a house with four kids, three dogs, and twelve plants. How's that for management experience?"

Blanket Pull