Household Harmony Aficionados Pillows

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

"I don’t see how confirming who I like best will help this situation."

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Looks like I do dishes again.

Another thing is that it's really cool in the summer!

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Blanket Pull

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

"Yep. Looks like I'm pregnant again."

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

Theirs and Theirs

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

'Relax, Silly. He's not here for you.'

Musical washing

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'

"A Therapist didn't save my marriage. A plumber and a second bathroom saved my marriage!"

"The secret to a good marriage son is to do most of the spring cleaning..."