Domestic Harmony Enthusiasts Pillows

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Looks like I do dishes again.

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

Blanket Pull

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

"The Hewletts have flaming crown roast au vin blanc every Wednesday."

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

Theirs and Theirs

"I'm sorry I used three squirts of washing up liquid instead of two."

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

Musical washing

'Relax, Silly. He's not here for you.'

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

"The secret to a good marriage son is to do most of the spring cleaning..."

"A Therapist didn't save my marriage. A plumber and a second bathroom saved my marriage!"

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

"What are you complaining about? When I met you, you were living in a one-room apartment."