Household Harmony Advocate Pillows

'The 61,421,096th Lady.'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Separation Anxiety

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Ever wonder why we debated what color fridge to buy?

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

Looks like I do dishes again.

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

"It's your turn to throw out the dishes."

Workplace bullying.

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'No madam, the seat does not keep falling down, to the annoyance of male users, would you like one that does?'

Theirs and Theirs

"Harold, have you reaped huge gains that you have not told me about?"

Applying skills in teaching special needs students to dealing with colleagues.

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'That's it? The facts of life? Mom washes the dishes and you dry them?'

'You told me to put away the groceries.'

Musical washing

Woman is on computer searching a website for lost socks.

'If your mom's not happy then nobody's happy, right dad.'

Conflict resolution in the workplace.

'How about we get this closet organizer as a together gift?'

'Herbert just loves to help with the dishes.'