House Sitting Assignment Gifts

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

Bathroom Fairy

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

Cook and her Maids

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"Like you, I was lost...then I found Jesus!"

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

TV and cleaner

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

Clearing the castle's moat.

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

"What already?! You're the one who told me I needed professional help."

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1