House Sitting Assignment Gifts

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

Bathroom Fairy

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

Cook and her Maids

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"...when you're through in there, my kids room could use a demonstration too."

'He's not here right now. He's out pumping iron.'

TV and cleaner

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'You only said to bring home a feather duster. You never said what kind.'

Clearing the castle's moat.

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

Cook being told what to do by housemaid

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

"They weren't kidding when they said a women's work is never done!"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Did I hear you use the phrase 'Earn my keep'?"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"