House Sitting Gifts

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

"And, while I'm away, you'll be in the good hands of my oversight committee."

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

Thanks for house sitting!

"Thank God we were only house-sitting."

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"Thanks for taking care of my plant. You really don't need a 'green thumb', she isn't picky."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Beware of the Dog Hair.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Christmas Pets

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

'We'll take it!'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Dog Basket - I consent to petting.

Open House of Horrors

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

"No you, he called you a lap dog."

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

'Everybody passed the 'housebroken' test except for Rover.'

'...and the property lies in a beautiful valley by the banks of the river...'

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"The roof is old and leaks. The good news is when it rains you'll get an additional 3 showers."