House Gatherings Gifts

"On balance, Estelle, your party was not helpful."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Ahhh...'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Christmas Tree

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"Hi-yah!"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I'm afraid the challah got a little burnt this week."

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

The devil you know and his plus one

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

Barbecued dessert, anyone? The coals are PERFECT now!

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

"Mom, does the Russian borscht you made for dinner give me foreign-policy experience?"