Hotel Skeptic Gifts

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Biliard Enthusiast

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Too much caution can take all the fun out of life." "Mind if I get a second opinion?"

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

'Would you like a room on the sunny side, sir? Haha, just kidding!'

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

We just assumed everyone knew they couldn't take it with them.

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

"When I die, I want to come back at anything except a book of short stories."

'Why not just buy a tube?'

Rational explanations

'We only have rooms with real teeth left!'

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Never choose a vacation spot by its posters.

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"I thought you said you paid extra for a cabinet with a Seaview."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Man reading a giant book.

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

"Well, you call them fairy tales, I call them fake news."

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."